To teach or not to teach...that is the question?

Well, this is something that has been on my mind quite a bit these days...should I go back to teaching soon or not? I used to teach 2nd grade in Orange County for a few years before I had my oldest daughter 8 years ago. I have hesitated over the past several years to go back into that field simply because I know first-hand what an all-consuming career teaching is. It is rewarding, yes...but VERY, VERY energy draining, too. It was fine when I had no children. I ate, slept, and breathed my teaching career. I spent many weekends constantly thinking and planning and preparing the next week's lessons, not to mention grading papers galore. But, since having three children, it's all I can do to "hold down the fort", as they say. I haven't even wanted to think about trying to be organized enough to go back to teaching where I would once again be in charge of getting 20+ students from point A at the beginning of a school year to point B by the end of that same year. To teach five or more different subject areas (reading, writing, math, science, & social studies) to over 20 students who are coming into your class from all different levels of previous progress is a very overwhelming task! I have not wanted to take on that responsibility, in the least, over the past several years since becoming a mom.

But, desperate times call for desperate measures. Most of you already know my financial status over the past 18 months or so. It has not been a pleasant time in our lives concerning that area. So, I have been giving the issue quite a bit more thought lately. Is now the right time for me to go back into the teaching field? I know that if I did so, our family income would increase significantly compared to nowadays. In fact, it would help tremendously to ease the stress and burden of meeting all our financial obligations on a monthly basis without fail. Since we are living each week on cash only with absolutely no means of any credit whatsoever to back us up in a pinch, it is becoming increasingly hard to make all the ends meet. In fact, it never seems to happen. I am tired of the strain, the feelings of failure, and the restricted feeling of knowing that basically anything we do is considered to be overspending in our budget. I haven't had a professional haircut in at least 18 months. My husband had to cut it for me the last time himself. None of our kids are involved in any extra-curricular activities at all (soccer, dance lessons, swim lessons, etc.). We don't take family vacations and we don't even have any car payments. I no longer have a cell phone and the list goes on and on. While it does seem that God has been sparing us any major mishaps such as car repairs, or other major household repairs, I know that sooner or later, this "luck" will run out. I would like to have the feeling of being able to actually save and get ahead of the game for once.

This brings me back to my reason for this post. I went online yesterday to the Orange County Public Schools website to see their current list of vacancies for teaching positions. Actually, I have been doing so off and on for the past several weeks. There has virtually been nothing available in the grade level I am interested in, primarily because the school year is quickly coming to a close...summer is just around the corner. I have been telling myself that if I ever happen to notice a job posting for 2nd grade on my side of town, at a decent school in our area, then and only then, will I consider "throwing my hat into the ring". The other night, I just happened to notice that there was suddenly a new position posted for a 2nd grade teacher in the area. In fact, it just so happens to be at my own children's elementary school, which is just a mile up the road from our neighborhood! The school is only 2 years old. In fact, when they first opened, I strongly considered applying for some openings back then. But, I chickened out and decided I just didn't want to go back at that time in my life. The interesting thing is that I happen to know the Curriculum Resource Teacher there personally. She used to teach 5th grade back at the same time and at the same school that I once taught 2nd grade at. I also happen to already know one of the 3rd grade teachers there, too! She was my favorite teacher buddy who also taught 2nd grade on my team at the school I used to teach at! So, I definitely have some contacts already there.

My biggest dilemma right now is trying to decide whether or not take the leap of faith and apply for this particular position, while risking not getting the job. I can't stand rejection and after all we've been through in the past few years, I do not need another reason to feel like a failure right now. But, on the other hand, the idea of significantly increasing our family income and my utter frustration of always being over budget is pushing me more and more over the edge of that cliff where I may actually take that risk. I have no idea if I can handle going back to work full-time at this particular profession while my young children are still in school. Truthfully, I am scared at the thought of taking on so much responsibility. But, I don't know if it is in God's plan for me to teach at this time and I guess I need to be willing to give it a try, should God reveal to me that He wants me to go back to teaching right now. So, this is what is on my mind these days. I will continue to pray about it and to seek God's guidance. This trust thing is a hard concept for me to practice when it comes to my relationship with God, even for someone who has been a believer in Christ for almost 15 years! :o)

For all the unbelievers out there...LOL

OK, I am going to try to pick up where I left off during a previous post I had earlier this month. I mentioned that I would write more on the topic of myspace later. So, here goes...how did this all get started? Well, basically I was really bored one day back in January. I decided to surf google for any websites about some celebs I am interested in for fun. I landed on an official webpage for Vanessa Minnillo. From there, she had a direct link to her new myspace page. Since I already had a myspace page that I had created last year, it was easy for me to log on. When I went to her page, I saw a comment from Ashlee Simpson congratulating her for her new line. I figured it must have something to do with clothing and I later found out she had just been signed as the new Bongo jeans girl. Anyway, I was curious as to why Ashlee Simpson would be talking to Vanessa? I thought, isn't that somewhat of a conflict of interest since Ashlee's sister, Jessica, is the ex-wife of Nick Lachey, Vanessa's boyfriend? I did some searching and came across what I believed to be a real myspace fan page for Jessica Simpson. By all accounts, it sure seemed like it was the REAL Jessica. It turns out I was right. There are many, many myspace pages for all kinds of celebrities who end up being what are known as "poser" sites, or run by people who are pretending to be someone famous. But, everything from the personal photos to the comments and blog postings, to the music clearly indicated to me this was the real Jess Simpson page. The best part of it was that it was run by Jessica herself, and not someone working for her! She had a few hundred fans. Right about the same time I became her "friend" on myspace, I noticed that she had added Nick Lachey as a friend. It turns out that this was his very first time ever creating a page on myspace before and since he and Jess are now talking to each other, despite their divorce last year, they became myspace "friends". As I visited his brand new page, again, personal photos, bio info, and most importantly, messages and comments left by him, clearly indicated this was not some hoax. I couldn't believe my luck! I mean, what are the chances that I would actually happen to find both of their real fan sites the very same week I happened to be surfing myspace? What really kept me intrigued was that both of them were each updating their pages on their own, without any outside help! They would post comments and old photos of each other on their pages. It became very obvious to myself and the other fans watching that this was NO JOKE! They really were communicating to each other and to their fans directly through this myspace thing. In fact, Nick even ended up getting his brother, Drew Lachey, and Drew's wife, Lea, to create their own myspace pages...something neither of them had ever done before. It was fun being on each of their friends lists and actually being able to communicate with all of them at various times. But, within one to two weeks, of course, there was a frenzy of fans who were just as excited as I was that these were the real Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey on their pages. Rumors began swarming and Nick had to completely shut down his page. He claimed he was getting rude messages and was fed up with the "posers". Not long after, Jessica did the same thing. It was disappointing, but I was grateful that Jessica gave me her new page URL on myspace and invited me to be her "friend" on her newest page. The intent was to only open up the new pages to a few friends and not the hundreds who had been on their original pages. This worked for a little while. But, by this time, it was evident to everyone that Nick was still in love with Jessica. They were reminiscing publicly on myspace about old times. For someone like myself, who never liked the idea of them splitting in the first place, it was mighty exciting to watch from an outsider's viewpoint!

Several weeks later, they both had to shut down their pages for a second time due to the relentless rude messages from some people. Nick and Jess have their opinions as to who was initiating a majority of the trouble behind the scenes. Without going into any private details, I will just say that this was how it all started...my communicating on myspace, with Jess and Nick. They actually do respond to e-mails when they have some down time to their fans. It's been fun getting a chance to talk to a celeb that I have always enjoyed watching in the news on this myspace thing! I know that I would never get the chance otherwise...and certainly, it beats sending fan mail the old-fashioned way, where you know no one will ever actually read it. I asked Nick last night on myspace for his permission to post the picture you see on my page now of the two of them. He was kind enough to allow me to post it and thanked me for asking him first. It is just one of many personal photos belonging to Nick that he has enjoyed placing on his own myspace page for the fans to see. I have some LIFE group friends who have recently heckled me about whether or not I have been e-mailing occasionally with THE real Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. The only other proof I have is some copies of original e-mails from both, but I don't want to risk unintentionally violating some kind of privacy law or something. So, I don't think I will post them here. I also don't want to risk upsetting either of them in any way. If you are really curious or in doubt, ask me some time and I will share with you. Believe it or not, Jess and Nick really do get mad and even hurt when people try to pose as them on myspace. They've even resorted to compiling a list of all the poser sites they can find so that their true fans will know that they are real and not the posers!

For now, at least enjoy the personal photo I have posted that is one of Nick's favorites. Since you probably also have some questions at this point, I will attempt to address just a few based on what I have learned in my experience so far on myspace...

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FAQs-

1. I thought Jessica has been seen dating John Mayer in recent months. What's up with that?

~As far as I know, that is true. One thing I quickly learned as a true fan on myspace is that you still need to be respectful of a celebrity's private life. Even if a celeb actually takes the time to respond to your e-mail, keep in mind that most celebs still want to maintain a great deal of privacy about their personal lives. A true fan is going to respect that privacy and not push for details that might be considered "crossing the line", especially when it comes to relationships. If a celeb wants to share info with their fans [on myspace], usually they will do so by what's known as sending out a bulletin to all their fans. Or, sometimes they may only share with a few people they trust.

2. Why the interest in Jessica and Nick?

~I don't normally get too interested in celebrity couples and their relationships. Jessica and Nick happen to be the exception in my case. I don't know why I always enjoyed watching their reality show back when it first aired. I guess in some ways, it seemed like somewhat of a fairy tale relationship, if you can even call it that. It was fun to watch them as newlyweds and the chemistry and fun they seemed to have...mixed in with some of your typical newly-married conflicts.

3. Are Nick and Jess back together?

~I honestly can't answer that. At one point, it seemed things might be headed in that direction. But, as I have said in one other blog comment I posted on a few days ago, it's been like watching a live soap opera between the two of them over the past two months. The drama has become too much for me to keep up with at this point. The same goes for Nick's relationship with Vanessa Minnillo. I can not comment on that either. Only Nick and Vanessa know the current status of their relationship. If I told you that they broke up last week, things could totally change by this week. It's impossible to keep up with such Hollywood drama. I also have to remember that I have a life outside of myspace. I will only know the status of their relationship based on what I read and hear from the same sources as you at this point.

4. Do you talk to either of them on the phone?

~No. I have only exchanged a few emails and comments on their myspace pages. As I said earlier, a true fan is not going to invade a celebrity's privacy by asking for such things. Also, let it be known that both of them have asked that the fans refrain from asking for things such as concert tickets, autographs, etc. As Jessica once put it on her blog, "If I do it for one person, then I have to do it for everybody and that wouldn't be fair".


Well, that's enough about the whole myspace adventure. It's sure been an exciting ride!

Get out your walking shoes

Today's blog entry is a simple one, but it's about something that I think is a good reminder for us all, no matter who or where you are in life. There are so many people from all different walks of life who will come in and out of your life the longer you are alive on this earth. This is just a simple reminder to all that it's really important not to judge others. That's easy to say, but much harder to do, I know. Of course, when meeting someone new, we all do our own version of "sizing them up" in our minds...we contemplate where they are coming from in life, what their possible motives might be, or even where they may be at on a spiritual level (whether they are believers in Christ or not). It's normal to think about all of these factors and even if we are not meeting someone new in our lives, I would venture to say it's still common that we do this with the people currently in our lives..those we've known even for a while or just a short while. What we all need to try to remember is that every single one of us is coming from a completely different angle in life. We are coming from broken backgrounds and others not-so-broken. We each carry memories of prior incidents in our own lives with us deep down in our hearts and this shapes how we handle today's situations in life. Some of us may currently be in close communion with our Lord, and others of us may not even have a relationship with the Lord. Still others of us may be somewhere in between...our walks with God may be moving at a slower pace with a few more bumps in the road at any given moment when compared to someone else. Please always remember not to judge another person by what WE think they should be doing in their lives or what WE think about their own personal walks with God. I think that it is awfully presumptuous to apply our own situations to another person's life and continually measure that person by how WE are currently walking with God or how WE once may have handled a particular trial in our own lives while walking with God.

I have titled today's entry "Get out your walking shoes" because I think it serves as somewhat of a reminder that it is nearly impossible to see things from someone's complete point of view or angle unless we have walked not only one mile, but 100 miles or more in THEIR shoes. Now, I am smart enough to know that will likely never happen. No one will ever live the exact same life and be affected by the exact same circumstances, people, and relationships as another. So in light of that well-known fact, please always remember that someone may be down in the trenches in their own life much deeper than you currently are or much deeper than you have ever experienced in your own life. I don't have the answers as to why some people in this life are granted a more enviable stack of cards as compared to another. It is not for me to say how God chooses to use certain trials and circumstances in one's own life to bring that person closer to Him. Knowing this, remember that your deck of cards may currently be much easier to deal with. Not everyone is able to fully communicate the impact that their own circumstances in life are currently affecting them in all areas. To some extent, it's not really necessary for anyone to have to express every single thing they are dealing with to everyone or how it's affecting them at any given time. Although, it certainly helps when others can understand where you are at in life. Keeping this in mind, remember that some people's struggles in life may be more difficult for them to overcome based on any number of factors. It is sometimes hard for me to understand why it is so easy for us to judge others in our lives. And certainly, even if you have your opinions (which we all do), that doesn't mean you have to let it affect how you treat another person to the extent that you may not be treating them in a loving and welcoming manner. Now, obviously, this can't necessarily apply to every single thing, such as condoning actions which are clearly something that does not honor God (abusive situations, etc). But, just remember to view others with the love of Christ in your heart and let God work out the rest in that person's life. Of course, you never know if God may also use your friendship to help another person, too!