To teach or not to teach...that is the question?

Well, this is something that has been on my mind quite a bit these days...should I go back to teaching soon or not? I used to teach 2nd grade in Orange County for a few years before I had my oldest daughter 8 years ago. I have hesitated over the past several years to go back into that field simply because I know first-hand what an all-consuming career teaching is. It is rewarding, yes...but VERY, VERY energy draining, too. It was fine when I had no children. I ate, slept, and breathed my teaching career. I spent many weekends constantly thinking and planning and preparing the next week's lessons, not to mention grading papers galore. But, since having three children, it's all I can do to "hold down the fort", as they say. I haven't even wanted to think about trying to be organized enough to go back to teaching where I would once again be in charge of getting 20+ students from point A at the beginning of a school year to point B by the end of that same year. To teach five or more different subject areas (reading, writing, math, science, & social studies) to over 20 students who are coming into your class from all different levels of previous progress is a very overwhelming task! I have not wanted to take on that responsibility, in the least, over the past several years since becoming a mom.

But, desperate times call for desperate measures. Most of you already know my financial status over the past 18 months or so. It has not been a pleasant time in our lives concerning that area. So, I have been giving the issue quite a bit more thought lately. Is now the right time for me to go back into the teaching field? I know that if I did so, our family income would increase significantly compared to nowadays. In fact, it would help tremendously to ease the stress and burden of meeting all our financial obligations on a monthly basis without fail. Since we are living each week on cash only with absolutely no means of any credit whatsoever to back us up in a pinch, it is becoming increasingly hard to make all the ends meet. In fact, it never seems to happen. I am tired of the strain, the feelings of failure, and the restricted feeling of knowing that basically anything we do is considered to be overspending in our budget. I haven't had a professional haircut in at least 18 months. My husband had to cut it for me the last time himself. None of our kids are involved in any extra-curricular activities at all (soccer, dance lessons, swim lessons, etc.). We don't take family vacations and we don't even have any car payments. I no longer have a cell phone and the list goes on and on. While it does seem that God has been sparing us any major mishaps such as car repairs, or other major household repairs, I know that sooner or later, this "luck" will run out. I would like to have the feeling of being able to actually save and get ahead of the game for once.

This brings me back to my reason for this post. I went online yesterday to the Orange County Public Schools website to see their current list of vacancies for teaching positions. Actually, I have been doing so off and on for the past several weeks. There has virtually been nothing available in the grade level I am interested in, primarily because the school year is quickly coming to a close...summer is just around the corner. I have been telling myself that if I ever happen to notice a job posting for 2nd grade on my side of town, at a decent school in our area, then and only then, will I consider "throwing my hat into the ring". The other night, I just happened to notice that there was suddenly a new position posted for a 2nd grade teacher in the area. In fact, it just so happens to be at my own children's elementary school, which is just a mile up the road from our neighborhood! The school is only 2 years old. In fact, when they first opened, I strongly considered applying for some openings back then. But, I chickened out and decided I just didn't want to go back at that time in my life. The interesting thing is that I happen to know the Curriculum Resource Teacher there personally. She used to teach 5th grade back at the same time and at the same school that I once taught 2nd grade at. I also happen to already know one of the 3rd grade teachers there, too! She was my favorite teacher buddy who also taught 2nd grade on my team at the school I used to teach at! So, I definitely have some contacts already there.

My biggest dilemma right now is trying to decide whether or not take the leap of faith and apply for this particular position, while risking not getting the job. I can't stand rejection and after all we've been through in the past few years, I do not need another reason to feel like a failure right now. But, on the other hand, the idea of significantly increasing our family income and my utter frustration of always being over budget is pushing me more and more over the edge of that cliff where I may actually take that risk. I have no idea if I can handle going back to work full-time at this particular profession while my young children are still in school. Truthfully, I am scared at the thought of taking on so much responsibility. But, I don't know if it is in God's plan for me to teach at this time and I guess I need to be willing to give it a try, should God reveal to me that He wants me to go back to teaching right now. So, this is what is on my mind these days. I will continue to pray about it and to seek God's guidance. This trust thing is a hard concept for me to practice when it comes to my relationship with God, even for someone who has been a believer in Christ for almost 15 years! :o)